Monday, November 26, 2007

Tonight my heart hurt

Tonight I had an hour to kill while waiting for my youngest to be out of FCA (Fellowship of Christian Athletes). I thought I would check out Dollar Tree for a bit. Boy did I have many memories come flooding back to me right in the aisle of this great little dollar store. I saw two different moms pushing their carts with little children inside. Each Mom had a harried, exhausted look about her that I all too well remember. It was more than the usual busy Mom look. In an instant I felt my heart quicken inside my chest because I just knew these two moms were carrying the load by themselves. Sure enough they were each single mom's. I walked that road for nearly ten years. I remember those dark, cold, lonely times when I had more month than money. I remember how my own little boy would say the same things these two little ones were saying to their own Mommy's.

I have been remarried now for nearly seven years to a most wonderful Godly man. The Lord answered the cries of my heart and He most certainly did not disappoint. He not only brought me a helpmate but He provided for me three more little hearts to love, nurture and cherish. This season is especially hard on my crew. Their wife and mom died from cancer shortly after the holidays ten years ago. It is always a little bittersweet this time of year and now that the children are teenagers they deal with their grief in different ways.

All I know is that tonight my mind went back to that place, not so long ago, when I was pained in my spirit, wondering what the next day would bring, how the Lord would refine me and when I would feel some peace.

I remember those times of fear, loneliness, and despair. I remember the shame I felt that my husband had walked out of our marriage and chose a life that was so far removed from what I had been taught. I felt let down and discouraged but never did I critize or blame the Lord. I knew He had a plan and that He would work out His will in my life even when I felt like I could not go on another day. I won't even go into the pain I felt in my heart for my little boy who was four when his dad chose to abandon his family.

The Lord was always faithful. He never left my side, but all the while I had to run after Him, surrender to Him...that is the hard part...SURRENDER. Surrendering hopes, dreams, desires, plans all to the One that is control of each of those things. I had to learn to TRUST Him to bring about His perfect plan for my life.

Tonight I wanted to wrap my arms around these sweet ones that were hurting and tell them, "Regardless of what takes place in your life....there is a way to find peace and fullfillment". Each time I tried to strike up more of a conversation we were interrupted. Lord tonight I pray for those two sweet families. You know them and their situations. Please provide for them this season. May they know You and please give me continued opportunities to share your love.
Praising Him in ALL things!

2 comments:

Sarah's In the Midst of It said...

Vickie, thank you for your sweet comment today! It made my day :)

My mom was a single parent (to me) for a little while before marrying my stepdad, who is a true treasure. I hardly remember those days, but I know they were hard for her back then. Being a parent is hard enough without having to do it alone! Thank you for this post, to remind me that there are a lot of ladies out there who need a little extra support this season. Blessings to you and your family!

Junebug said...

Wow, you're still making my makeup come off and now I had to blow my nose. Life is hard, but God is good!