Seven Years Ago My Life Changed

Seven years ago today it was very blustery in Oklahoma. We had a cool front push through and it was bitterly cold and windy. Seven years ago was also the day that I married my husband and become the Mom to four children instead of just one.

The ceremony was very tender and sweet. My long-time singles pastor married us in a beautiful chapel that is on the campus where we first met. It was very small and intimate. Only our very closest friends and family were invited.

I had been part of a singles ministry for nearly ten years. I had seen couples come and go. So many were eager to move on past their hurts and ended up marrying too soon and in the end became a statistic with broken dreams, hearts, and their precious children were reeling again from a tragic divorce.

I had heard at a seminar one day about how important the covenant between a man and woman is during a marriage ceremony. I also had learned that equally important are those that are witness to that ceremony. We are to hold those accountable and pray for them in their marriage...we are party to a covenant.

We discussed and prayed about who to invite to our marriage ceremony. We were not looking for a wedding but a marriage....a covenant vow between two hearts that would never allow the talk of divorce or separation. We KNEW the Lord had brought the six of us together and we wanted this ceremony to be a reflection of what Christ had done....not a showy display. We opted to not invite numerous people that we called friends but only invited those we knew would stand by us through thick and thin...those dear souls that would drop to their knees in prayer for our family.

My sweet singles pastor Jon could barely make it through the ceremony. His tears were those of joy because he had witnessed our meeting and courtship. He and his wife both knew how much I had prayed for the 'right' man not any man to marry. Just one year prior at the reception of two of my friends from the singles, Jon and I were seated together at the reception. As we were watching our two friends cut the cake, I spoke outloud words that were going on in my head and heart.....for me only but as I do sometimes they just blurted out, "I hope you are able to officiate my wedding one day." I realized I had blurted this out when Jon said, "Me too sweet girl....me too."

So at 7:00 p.m. on April 6th, two hearts were standing before our precious pastor, our collective children, dear family members, and a handful of friends. At the end of our vows we had a ceremony with our children and gave them each a symbolic gift. Mike gave Matthew his gift and I gave Seth, Zach, and Hannah their gifts. Jon spoke to them from Ephesians 5 and express how they are to honor their mother and father. He spoke eloquently and beautiful to these four precious children. Jon then told the audience that we were signing a marriage covenant and if the Lord so led others in the small, intimate chapel to join us in signing this covenant of marriage that they could come up front to the altar to do so. What a joy filled our hearts when we saw our friends and family come up front and sign this covenant.

The wind was howling loudly and the beautiful stained glass windows seemed to almost move in and out as the wind blew. It was very cold outside but inside it was filled with warmth and love.
There were no elaborate decorations or expensive floral bouquets only hurricane lanterns with white pillar candles lined the chapel and illuminated the stained glass windows. A simple bouquet of flowers sat on the altar with our marriage covenant. I could not have asked for a more perfect day. As we pledged our vows to one another I could not help but remember all the times that the Lord had been faithful to me in this journey. I looked out across the room and saw the sweet faces of those that we both loved and knew that this was the beginning of something really special.

Sweetheart, thank you for seven wonderful years! Looking at our children I cannot believe how much they have grown in that time. They are young adults. Our family has been blended together so beautifully. I am so thankful the Lord led you to Oklahoma and ultimately to me!
Happy Anniversary!

A Time to Refresh

We just returned home from a whirlwind 24 hours. My sweet husband told me on Wednesday to not have plans for Friday night. I love a man with a plan so I was excited. I am also the worlds worst at being surprised. I always want to know and have a sharp, investigative nature so I immediately had all kinds of thoughts going through my head. Having been married to me now almost seven years he knows this trait very well. Before I could open my mouth he told me to not ask, not speculate, and to just sit back and wait for instruction. I asked what I was to wear and he told me, "I will let you know when you need to know". Phooey...I was not going to get anywhere.

Something changed however after a day or so. I began to get very excited about being surprised. I mean, this was a big deal for me. Believe me, I have never liked surprises. I am MORE surprised when I know. I think it means I have a fear of the unknown but we are not trying to pychoanalyze the situation right now. When I was thirteen I even gave away the surprise of everyone's Christmas presents to my three siblings. I had found the presents and asked if they wanted to see them! I showed them the presents. My parents that year were furious. Of course my younger sisters tattled on me, as they should have, and at first no presents were under the tree. I learned my lesson about that but my husband has still had a hard time trying to surprise me.

Yesterday arrived and he was off work and had lots going on. He was not reachable most of the day by phone. It just so happened that I had a hair appointment with my dear friend yesterday. I told her that something was up and all I knew was we had reservations at seven o'clock. She gave me the works with my hair and sent me on my way.

I arrived home and did not notice anything that would give me clues at all. Our daughter was geting ready to leave for a weekend mission trip so we were getting her ready and taking her to our church by six that evening. She had picked out what I was to wear. As I went into our room I noticed that it looked a little different. That is when I noticed the suitcase on the bed and turned and saw the enormous smile on my husbands face! He had planned an overnight get away for us! He had gotten our sons taken care of with food and fun for the night. They are more than capable of staying by themselves. He told me to go get ready.

I must tell you that I was so happy. What I have not told you is that last weekend while my husband was busy at work I had a melt down. I mean a big, bad meltdown. I have not cried like that in I don't know how long. It was not really over any one thing. I had to deal with the usual teenage angst issues but I was overwhelmed with all I needed to accomplish and was having a pretty big pitty party to boot! I felt everything pressing in on me and realized that I missed my husband so much! We always try to have a date night but we are both so tired and there is always a teen calling to ask a question, or tell us something 'important'. We never really get uninterrupted time to hold hands, talk, and just sit quietly with one another.

I did not voice this to anyone but my Lord. I prayed so hard last week. I desired to have time with my husband without our children around and no commitments. After my crying jag he realized he was going to be off for nine days. He got the ball rolling. He wanted us to go to Tulsa but then remembered our middle son turns 15 tomorrow. He then decided that we would stay at a new hotel in Oklahoma City...a few miles from our home but still...alone....away....quiet....peace.

My husband is also a very good listener and has remembered things that I have told him, sometimes all the way back to when we were dating. I mentioned one of my favorite places to eat in Edmond but it had gone out of business in town a long time ago. I knew there was one still in OKC but it was never something we thought about on date night. He got us reservations there for seven last night. MMMM it was so good. The jazz was great! We loved it! We then moved on to Barnes and Noble, which is my favorite thing to do so we could hold hands, read, and more importantly talk, oh yea and drink Starbucks. We were able to sleep in today and have spent the entire day together. It did not matter that we did not go to another town outside the boundaries of our own. It was a time to reconnect and remember how the Lord brought us together and just enjoy each others company.

I highly recommend it! I feel recharged and refreshed. Ready to meet the challenges of the coming week. It was just what I needed to refocus on this wonderful gift the Lord gave me. It also made me realize that I can't let myself get so stressed. While I have wonderful children that are awesome....they are all trying to find their place in this world and where they fit. They also have those teenage hormones racing through their bodies and at times they may not make sense may get a little testy, or they may have their own emotional upheavals but we are a family...that Christ put together. We fit perfectly together like a hand in a glove. It is the most amazing thing that I have ever experienced in my life. I needed only 24 hours away to relax and realize yet again who is in control and relinquish that tight grip I seem to have at times when I want to be in charge. That is where I always fail and get myself in a bind....I just have to keep my focus on Christ and continually let Him mold me into the wife and mom that He desires for me to be and not some preconceived idea that I have in my head.

So I missed being around today. I did not get my Super Savings Saturday post done but tomorrow is a new day. I think I have had my batteries recharged and I am ready to rumble!

Part 4 of Our Story

I was so excited to hear his voice! I had enjoyed my evening, even though it had been so stressful, and I was filled with hope that Saturday morning although I had been up most of the night. As I talked with him, it became apparent to me that the preceding evening had been filled with emotion for Mike. I had no way of knowing that on that particular night, December 15th, would have been his tenth anniversary to Jennifer. When he shared with me that it had been such a blessing to have spent the evening with me, on a night that had been filled with such heartache the past three years, I had no words that would come out of my mouth at first. I was trying to find the words that would be appropriate and that would not sound trivial.

I finally remembered my dear friend at work who was also a single parent but had lost her husband suddenly years before in a car accident. She had given me great advice a few days before. She had told me to be myself, to ask questions, and to not fear talking about Jennifer with Mike. She told me that at times in her life different men she dated would become upset if she mentioned her late husband or his family. She told me to not to feel jealous. She shared that Mike would want to talk to me about Jennifer and it would make all the difference in the world if I could be supportive in this manner. Her wisdom that day gave me the courage to listen to Mike when he shared his story and to have a desire to know more.

We talked a long time on the phone that day and he asked me to join him and his children for lunch after church. I was hesitant at first because I had always said I would never involve my child until I knew it was ‘the one’ but I decided to trust my gut and go.

That first meeting with those three precious children could not have been more perfect. They are very close in age and at the time that I met them Seth had just turned nine; Zachary was getting ready to turn eight, and Hannah was six and a half years old. My son Matthew was twelve and a half. I will never forget that day. I had worn a purple outfit and so had Hannah. She has the most amazing blue eyes and has glossy brown hair and the purple just set off her features. As Mike helped me from the van I felt little fingers grasp my hand and I looked down to see her smiling up at me and hanging on to my hand. She told me she loves purple. I told her, “I do too” and we walked off hand in hand into the restaurant. Inside my heart melted and I knew that no matter what I was going to trust the Lord and that He alone knew what was going to take place. I wanted to let Him guide this budding relationship. To be continued…

Part Three of Our Story

During my singleness I had been very active in singles leadership and had the chance to attend many conferences. I also read whatever book I could on Christian single parenting, healing, and various other Christian books that really ministered to me during this time of my life. One conference that really impacted my life was the Song of Solomon conference with Denton Bible Church pastor, Tom Nelson. I first attended the conference in 1999. It was a cold February day as I sat in the back of the church and listened to this awesome pastor/teacher. I wept numerous times. The conferences are based on the book of the same name in the Bible. It is God’s view of love, sex, and marriage. I had only wished that I had known some of the information and what to ‘look’ for the first time around. I had grown up very sheltered and naïve. I later found out that there is more than the man going to church, being raised in a Christian home…so much more. Anyway, this conference changed my life in how I viewed my situation. I wanted to have what Tommy shared about his relationship with his wife Teresa. I was willing to wait on the Lord for that. I had NO idea how much this conference would impact my life! One thing that really stuck in my mind that day was Tom telling a story about a young man with three small children. He choked back tears as he spoke. He told a story of marrying this young couple and how several years and three children later the Mom had died of cancer. He asked that we pray for this young man. It had been a year since her death and they were having a hard time. I remember sitting in the pew sobbing for this little family that had lost so much.

The night of the Christmas party it was time for Mike to drive me home. We had not really had much of a chance to talk to one another. It had been uncomfortable because everyone was assuming a great deal and giving us a hard time. I had no idea, however, that Mike had already been talking about me when he left my office that day over a week ago! There had been a conspiracy to introduce us but the Lord had the final say. We had even been at the same football game but never crossed paths. I am so thankful for the way we met because it is just another reminder of how the Lord orchestrates our lives.

As we were driving home that snowy evening I began to get more comfortable. He was easy to talk to and the conversation flowed. Imagine my surprise when he was sharing about his past and told me about the man that had been his mentor and spiritual father. I will never forget him asking me, “This great man pastors a church in Denton, Texas, maybe you have heard of him, Tommy Nelson?” I about jumped through the roof of the car! Have I heard of him? Oh my goodness his tapes are playing in my car. I have read his books, attended his conference, and been to Metro Bible study in Dallas to hear him!!! We went on to talk forever that evening. I had a great time and he walked me up to the door and that was it...no hug, no kiss, just a great big smile. I was reeling from excitement and could not wait to call all my friends. My son commented when I came in that he liked him and so did Sparky. Sparky is our little dog. He hates strangers. Well, for that matter he can’t stand most of my extended family. When Mike came to pick me up earlier in the evening he reached down to pet him and my son and I both said, “NO” but too late…he was already petting him. Sparky never even barked at Mike! It was so strange because he barked at everyone.

I had a huge list of people to call that night. They all had to hear about my big evening. I was on the phone most of the night and then when I went to bed I could not sleep. I got onto my computer and typed my heart out. That is what I usually did when my heart and head had so much going on.

Earlier in my singleness my parents and siblings had made me vow that if the Lord brought someone into my life again that I would agree to not go out or marry them if anyone in my family had felt it was not right. I had agreed because we all had been so hurt by what I had endured. I wanted their wise and Godly counsel. The very next morning after our date my youngest sister headed to my parents home and told them that ‘He has arrived, the man for my sister is here!’ "God has brought him to her!" Ironically, Mike's late wife Jennifer was from my hometown but had moved to Texas after graduating high school. In an even more interesting twist my youngest sister had known her through her high school boyfriend, who happened to be Jennifer’s best friend. I just could not believe that there was a connection between my family and this Texan. I was wondering if he would call me or see me at church the next day and then the phone rang, with anticipation I picked up the receiver and heard, “Hi, Vickie, this is Mike”….to be continued

More of 'our' story

My work day ended and I drove to pick up my little boy at school. Our usual habit on Wednesday evenings was to eat at church before worship and children’s activities.

I am a creature of habit. I sit in the same pew, park the same place, walk in the same entrance, etc. That is how I feel most comfortable. This particular evening I pulled in the lot a little concerned about my son since he appeared to be wheezing and I was worried we would be making yet another emergency room visit. I almost turned around to go home when he reached over and touched my hand and said, “Mom, I am okay don’t worry.” Upon that statement, and feeling immense relief that he was not in distress, I did not notice that I parked in a completely different area of the parking lot.

Next, we walked into the building from a completely different set of doors. I would now have to walk all the way across the gym and around the bend in order to pay and get our meal. If I had not done so I would not have seen him. As we walked in the gym I looked across the room to see who was already eating and then I saw him...the man from my office earlier in the day! He was sitting with a couple that I knew. The man he was sitting with was my son’s football coach. I would later find out this was the football coach's brother in law.

I started telling my son that the man from my office is here tonight. He did not understand why I was acting so weird. He told me to take a chill pill and went off to be with his friends. Great! I did not know where to sit and now my son has decided to exert some pre-teen attitude! I found one of my formerly single friends and sat down with her. I was very nervous and told her I had to go say something to someone. I jumped up and went over to the table where this gentleman was sitting. I walked up and asked him if he had been in my office that day. This was highly unusual for me to do this, especially with it being a man. I am very friendly but this was a risk that I normally did not take. He replied that it was indeed him. He also had this very disconcerting smile on his face. Normally, I would have extended my hand in order to shake their own and welcome them to the church. I had grown up in this church and was very active. I knew I had not seen him there before. This time I did not extend my hand but kept them firmly behind my back. I walked back over to sit down and then I realized I had not told him what I had intended to say when I went over there in the first place! My friend Debbie could tell I was very flustered. I really could not understand why I was so frazzled. I went back over and told him that the Athletic Director is a member of the church and that I had known him for over 30 years. I then went back to my seat. I felt like a goober!

As I returned to my seat, I was asked to attend the blended families Christmas party which was being held in one week. I had known all these couples in the singles department so it was not too odd of an invitation. I said that I would try to attend.

Later I watched this man leave and asked my singles pastor who he was. I had not understood him when he said his last name and I wanted to know more. This request was not too strange since I was in singles leadership. I was not interested in him in a relationship sort of way, but he seemed to be a visitor and if I needed to send a welcome card by golly I was going to do so. The first response from my singles pastor was "His name is Mike XXXX and he is a single dad with three or four kids". He then put his arm around me and smiled really big. I told him that I was not interested in him that way but was wondering what his name was because I could not remember it. He told me that he had custody of his children. Well if I was interested at all that sealed it for me…..I had prayed that if I was to remarry it would be someone who had either never had children or who had been widowed with children. I had seen too many marriages fail because of both parties being divorced and how the back and forth with former spouses and pulls on the children caused constant conflict. I knew that I could love someone elses children but hearing those words from my dear friend and pastor, I never gave it another thought, at least until…to be continued

A little bit about my story, part one

Over fifteen years ago journaling became my release, passion, and way to communicate with my Father. I had endured the pain of divorce and the sudden loss of my dreams. I was raising a young son as a single parent and I was not happy about the prospect of that at all. What began as a journal, to keep track of what was taking place in my life, soon became my way of communicating with my Abba Father. At times, the feelings would become so powerful and the words would be swimming all around in my head that I would have to write them down, whether it was in the middle of a meeting, in the car waiting to pick up my son, in the middle of the night... it did not seem to matter when or where it was….when the Lord was speaking to my spirit, I stopped and wrote it all down.

When email became the instantaneous way to communicate with others, I began to send my musings/devotions via this wonderful medium. It was at this time that a friend from our singles encouraged me to write a book. She pointed out that I had the chapters and content if I would just compile my emails together. Life went on and I never got around to doing this. I played with it but felt that there was no end to the story. I could not seem to bring the book to an end. Besides I was no 'writer' or 'author' just someone who communicated in words with my Savior.

Fast forward to December 2000. My life was full and content. I had finally released my desire to remarry and had made peace with the Lord knowing that it was truly His will that I desired. I did not want to seek out a mate…that was for Him to take care of in my life. I was happy to be a single mom the rest of my life if that is where the Lord wanted me. The Lord truly has such a heart for his children! His plans are so intricately woven that it is hard to see how each event in one’s life has some purpose. We, in our humanness, can't seem to understand all the twist and turns our lives take, but each event, moment, heartache, and triumph has a purpose. There was a purpose in my pain. God had a reason for allowing the events in my life to take place.

December 6, 2000, was an ordinary day. I was thrilled it was Wednesday, because that meant I did not have to pick up my son after school at 2:30, since he had an after school enrichment class. I missed having a usual noon lunch hour since I had started using my lunch time to pick up my son each day from school. I did this in order for us to have a little extra bit of time together before I arrived home after work.

However, this day meant I could go out to lunch, run errands or various other things for that one hour. Around 2:45 pm I was suddenly startled out of my work mindset. I had been asked to do something for one of the VPs in our office and I had forgotten to do so. I jumped up from my seat and headed out of my office and up the hall to get the form I needed to fill out. I ran into our Russian student worker who had a confused look on his face. I asked him if he needed help and he said that he could not understand what the man at the front of the office wanted. I walked up and do not really remember much about how the man looked other than a very sweet smile, welcoming eyes, and that was about it. He needed to find the Athletic Director and wanted to know if I knew who it was. Of course I did! I had known the director since I was a young girl. He attended my church. I kept this information to myself but wrote down the AD’s information….that is all but his name! This nice man somehow made me a little nervous. Upon my giving him the post it note he then asked me, "And his name is?" I became flustered and said, "Oh my gosh, I am so sorry, his name is Mr. Wagnon.". I had written down everything but his name! As I pulled the note off the pad it flipped clear across the room! Man, I was really nervous for some reason. He thanked me and left and I turned and walked back down the hallway to my office. I never gave the man with the big, sweet smile a second thought. to be continued

Brrr it's cold outside!

This morning all the men in my home, which is four total, all headed out for Denton, Texas, to attend the North Texas football game. I am thinking they will be quite cold and a little wet before the day is done. My husband played football for North Texas and has been wanting to share this moment with our boys for quite some time. I pray that it is a wonderful day full of memories that will last a lifetime. Perhaps the warmth my man will feel inside upon sharing this day with his three boys will help keep them all nice and cozy.

It is very cold out today and the forecast is calling for snow. Nothing like this type of weather to get me in the mood to decorate my home for Christmas! However, right now I would rather cuddle up with a big mug of steaming hot chocolate, my quilt, and a great book OR instead of the cuddling up with a book, getting out the craft supplies and creating something new and exciting. Choices....hmmm...oops Baby Girl aka my youngest is wanting to get on the computer. More later!